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She felt that the tears were coming into her eyes. "Can I help

loving him?" she said to herself, looking deeply into his scared

and at the same time delighted eyes. "And can he ever join his

father in punishing me? Is it possible he will not feel for me?"

Tears were already flowing down her face, and to hide them she

got up abruptly and almost ran out on to the terrace.

After the thunder showers of the last few days, cold, bright

weather had set in. The air was cold in the bright sun that

filtered through the freshly washed leaves.

She shivered, both from the cold and from the inward horror which

had clutched her with fresh force in the open air.

"Run along, run along to Mariette," she said to Seryozha, who had

followed her out, and she began walking up and down on the straw

matting of the terrace. "Can it be that they won't forgive me,

won't understand how it all couldn't be helped?" she said to

herself.