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She was just attempting to do what she had attempted to do ten

times already in these last three days-to sort out the children's

things and her own, so as to take them to her mother's-and again

she could not bring herself to do this; but now again, as each

time before, she kept saying to herself, "that things cannot go

on like this, that she must take some step" to punish him, put

him to shame, avenge on him some little part at least of the

suffering he had caused her. She still continued to tell herself

that she should leave him, but she was conscious that this was

impossible; it was impossible because she could not get out of

the habit of regarding him as her husband and loving him. Besides

this, she realized that if even here in her own house she could

hardly manage to look after her five children properly, they

would be still worse off where she was going with them all.