Page 34 of 1294

For more than once, my wish did come true and more than once she

has felt for me but... such is my fate and I am a beast by

nature!"

"Rather!" assented the innkeeper yawning. Marmeladov struck his

fist resolutely on the table.

"Such is my fate! Do you know, sir, do you know, I have sold her

very stockings for drink? Not her shoes--that would be more or

less in the order of things, but her stockings, her stockings I

have sold for drink! Her mohair shawl I sold for drink, a present

to her long ago, her own property, not mine; and we live in a

cold room and she caught cold this winter and has begun coughing

and spitting blood too. We have three little children and

Katerina Ivanovna is at work from morning till night; she is

scrubbing and cleaning and washing the children, for she's been

used to cleanliness from a child. But her chest is weak and she

has a tendency to consumption and I feel it! Do you suppose I

don't feel it? And the more I drink the more I feel it. That's

why I drink too. I try to find sympathy and feeling in drink....

I drink so that I may suffer twice as much!" And as though in

despair he laid his head down on the table.