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"How ardently I must have loved that poor girl! for so many

years! Where have I not been! And yet I have never been able to

forget her, and still does her beloved form stand before mine

eyes as if painted! I drank, but I have not been able to drink

down her memory for one instant; nor to free myself from it,

though I have traversed so many lands! Now I am in the dress of

God's servant, on my bed, and bleeding-I have spoken of her so

long-at this moment to speak of such things! God will forgive me!

You must learn now in what sorrow and despair I committed--