Sayfa 823 / 2288

"He's right!" she said; "of course, he's always right; he's a

Christian, he's generous! Yes, vile, base creature! And no one

understands it except me, and no one ever will; and I can't

explain it. They say he's so religious, so high-principled, so

upright, so clever; but they don't see what I've seen. They don't

know how he has crushed my life for eight years, crushed

everything that was living in me-he has not once even thought

that I'm a live woman who must have love. They don't know how at

every step he's humiliated me, and been just as pleased with

himself. Haven't I striven, striven with all my strength, to find

something to give meaning to my life? Haven't I struggled to love

him, to love my son when I could not love my husband? But the

time came when I knew that I couldn't cheat myself any longer,

that I was alive, that I was not to blame, that God has made me

so that I must love and live. And now what does he do?